Tag Archives: pain

Who let me in the kitchen?

Yesterday Tyran bought this mixer machine thing. I’m pretty sure that’s what it said on the box.

like the window full of herbs and lemons?

There it is! It has other marvellous attachments (like a blender… Welcome to Margaritaville : Population – Me).

You can see in the picture I made some mayo (that’s the gloop in the jar, and I’ll write more about that later). But the very first thing I did was cut myself on the fucking thing. Twice.

first boo-boo


second boo-boo (the big cut)

After some emergency first aid (and a hell of a lot of whinging) I used the machine to first make mayonnaise and then the MOST GARLIC-FILLED GUACAMOLE IN THE UNIVERSE.

five cloves of garlics. and a shallot. vampires beware.

Now that I had some deliciousness happening, I decided I should probably pull something together for lunch. I had a butternut squash hanging around, so I thought I would roast that as a start.

I usually buy the squash already cut up (I’m lazy, yo), but this time I had a whole squash to cut up. Fresh-cut butternut squash smells good. It is like pumpkin… but more apple-ly. I was surprised that there were seeds in there. I don’t know why I was surprised. I suppose that’s what happens when you are used to buying all your food already processed.

lookit all those seeds!

Seeing those seeds gave me an idea: Could butternut squash seeds be roasted just like pumpkin seeds? They sure look the same. So I thought I would give it a try. Win! They did roast up exactly the same and were super delicious.

In the end, my lunch ended up being home-made mayonnaise (with chipotle paste – so good) with roasted butternut squash, guacamole (again, home-made – I rock) and tuna wrapped in seaweed with glutton-free soy sauce and with butternut squash seeds to finish. SO YUMMY.

I also had fresh iced tea. I used the blender to crush the ice for it (fancied it up a load, didn’t it?). It is just rooibos tea with ice and a sprig of mint. I’m getting very used to iced tea with no sugar or other sweeteners. Some teas (like rooibos) are fairly sweet naturally, so you don’t need to add anything to it.

nom nom nom

This lunch was WAY too big. It ended up being 1067 calories. I should have had half the amount and saved the seeds for a snack later. But it worked out okay – I ate this late in the day and just didn’t eat again, so I came out ahead of my ‘allotted’ calories that day (thank you Fitbit for tracking all that for me!)

It’s been an interesting month of eating well. It is delicious but a hella lot of work. I would definitely make this again – but would eat less of all of it.  Either just the tuna and avocado wrap or the squash… or half servings of both.

No beer and no pizza make Jodi something something…

Actually, to be honest? It hasn’t been all that bad. Or that hard.

So, just following on from my previous post when I talked about the changes I had made starting this year and how they are going.

I’ve had no problems whatsoever with the alcohol aversion, other than having to constantly explain to people why I would do this to myself. I don’t even miss it. And I am LOVING the hangoverless mornings. Fact.

Worth noting is that while we were in Vegas (work thang) I didn’t follow my rules. The No Drinking Rule has the “out of the country” exception so I did take advantage of that a wee bit… and I just wanted a Slurpee so badly the sugar thing had to go too.

I wasn’t as bad as I thought I was going to be (or as I could have been). I had drinks, but didn’t get drunk. I ate whatever I wanted… but not too much or too bad (except that first night meal at Dennys. YOWZA.)

Other than Vegas though, I’ve been sticking with it.

On the food front, things are going well. I’ve only had a couple of mornings since the beginning of January where I have wanted to punch breakfast right in the cock. Some mornings are hard! I found that it was the worst when I didn’t get enough sleep or ate really, really late the night before. Most mornings though it is no problem. If I’m being lazy (or woke up late) I just have a couple of eggs and I’m sorted.

The rest of the food thing is going well too. I think the Saturday gorge-a-thons are really, really helping with that. Before, I would have the restrictions in place every single day, and after a few weeks I’d implode and eat a pizza. And then I would slide right back into my old habits… usually very quickly.  Now, if I crave something that I’m not supposed to eat, I just say to myself, “Patience, my pretty. Patience. Soon it will be Saturday.”  This Saturday was about eating mashed potatoes. I wanted them so badly I would have killed a kitten for them.

Other than the time in Vegas (and the jet-lagged work week full of training the new peeps following it) I have been an utter rock fucking star about going to the gym at lunch. I do some core training on Mondays and Fridays… and the rest of the time I just run around like an idiot on a treadmill.  I even went swimming last week.


One of the ‘core training’ exercises that I’m doing is a two-hand “Russian” kettlebell swing. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, this chick in this video demonstrates it pretty well:

I’m using a 20kg kettlebell and currently doing 5 sets of 15 reps, trying to work my way up to just doing 75 straight reps with the damned thing.

This is hard.

On Monday, after the first 15, I thought I was going to throw up or pass out. Most likely both. I had to put the stupid weight down and pace about for a good two minutes before I was ready to even think about picking it up again.

I was sore for the next three days, with Wednesday being the worst. On Wednesday, sitting down caused me pain. SITTING.

The good news is that when I did it again on Friday, although I still thought I might throw up after the first set, it was much easier and two days later I’m not sore. HOORAH!


Something I’ve learned about me and exercise: Like fuck I’m going to do it first thing in the morning. NO NO NO. So I’m not even going to try it any more. It is stricken off my list of things to do.

I’ve not been doing evenings either… but I may try that one again once it is lighter later. We’ll see. As long as I keep the gym sessions, I’m not too fussed.

I’ve been sleeping great. GREAT! I don’t think I have ever said that in my life ever. I think the melatonin and magnesium is helping… but so is the exercise and the fact that I’m not eating so much shit.

Overall, this experiment is working. My weight is slowing dropping, so are inches. Which is good. And my energy is up. Also good. I sleep better – excellent. And the best part is that I just feel better in general. Happier. And seeing how at this time a year ago I was the most stressed, angry and unhappy that I had ever been (and, although I didn’t know it then, just a few weeks off from being hospitalised)… I think being happier and less stressed is the best thing in the world right now. Awesome.

*I realised after posting that some people may not get what the post title is referring to. Which is sad. SAD. If you don’t know what I’m referencing, watch this clip. (Sorry about all the Hulu shit… I’m hoping that the heavy advertising means they won’t take the clip down…)

And if you don’t know which movie the Simpsons are parodying in that clip, well… there is nothing more I can do for you. You are obviously a culturally retarded cave dweller and I have nothing more to say to you.

What are you trying to tell me, brain?

Did I get enough sleep last night?

Probably not.  But since when have I ever gotten enough sleep?

My moms says I’ve had insomnia since birth; I was an impossible baby to get to sleep right from birth. I liked to stay up. I wouldn’t nap.

I believe in the Arcade Fire lyric: “Sleeping is giving in… no matter what the time is.”

And there have been plenty of mornings where I’ve been in anguish because I haven’t slept the night before (whether thanks to my insomnia or thanks to my lifestyle).  But I think the pain this morning was something different. I am carrying a bit of a sleep debt right now, but not as badly as I have before.

This isn’t me not wanting to get up because I need more sleep: This is me not wanting to get up and go to work.

When my alarm went off I despairingly cried out, “No. Please no.”  And on the heels of that actually thought, “At least it’s Sunday, I can go back to sleep.”  Much as I wish that was true, my mind quickly realised that it wasn’t (my alarm doesn’t go off on Sundays) and then I thought, “At least it is nearly the end of the week.”

No. No it’s not. It is Wednesday.  Wednesday – smack dab in the middle of the week with the work-free weekend still three (counting today) painful days away.

And I have to wonder: Do I really want to wake up this way every weekday? And if it is only the weekdays that make me feel like this… is it time to change what I am doing during the week?

Calling Dr. Freud

I rarely sleep well on Sunday nights.

I think it may be a throw-back to being a kid… you run around like an idiot all weekend and on Sunday night you didn’t want to go to sleep because you were staring down the long, dark tunnel of another school week. And I liked school.

I’ve always resisted going to bed. There’s a line in a song by Arcade Fire that sums it up for me: ‘Sleeping is giving in, no matter what the time is.’ It’s as though I’m worried I’ll miss something fun if I go to sleep. I felt that way when I was five, I feel that way now.

So I trick myself into go to bed. I know you are supposed to have a bedtime routine, but if I do that I end up throwing a tantrum and asking for glass after glass of water and yet another story so I don’t have to go to sleep (meaning that happens now, my moms wouldn’t let that happen when I was five). Instead, I very quickly turn off the lights, dump all my clothes on the floor and jump into bed before I even know what happened.

Yah, I fall for that. That I’m anywhere near intelligent is mostly a myth. I have to trick myself into going to bed by pretending I’m not going to bed until I’m in it. And it works most of the time. Freaking genius, I am.

So it was last night, but I at least had the good sense of doing my non-routine at about 10:00pm so I’d get a decent sleep. Or at least, that was the plan.

For some reason my sleep last night was plagued by horrible nightmares. And not just nightmares… it was like I was awake (I wasn’t, I was dreaming that I was awake) and thinking about these horrible things and getting progressively more upset with myself because I wasn’t sleeping. Even though I was.

But that’s not why the call for Dr. Freud to analyse my dreams last night. Most of them I don’t even remember this morning, despite being certain that I would last night. But there was one image that persisted – one that actually made me shudder this morning when I recalled it.

Not saying that dreams come true… but I do think what we dream about sometimes expose how we are feeling or what we can’t let go of subconsciously in a metaphorical or symbolic way. Like if you dream that you are being chased by Frankenstein but can’t move your legs, it may mean that you feel paralysed in your job and your boss communicates by grunting (or something like that).

So the most disturbing part of my dream last night? I had a lot (no, a LOT) of nails, needles, pins and other small, sharp things embedded in my skin all over my body. Or I assume they were all over – they were definitely in my arms, legs and face. I was pulling them out of my arms. And although it didn’t hurt to have them in there, it stung to pull them out. It was also kind of satisfying to pull them out (even though it was all stingy) – they came out easily but left small bumps where they had been.

So, that was my night. Dreams that I was awake and thinking about stuff like the above. Dreaming that I was awake and thinking these horrible thoughts and chiding myself for not being asleep. Asleep and dreaming that I was awake and reminding myself that I would be tired the next day because I wasn’t asleep.

Well, Freud? What the hell does that mean?

The Wii broke my crotch

>Alright, so it isn’t my crotch… crotch is just funnier than groin and groin is funnier than “inner upper thigh thingers” by which I suppose I would mean my quadriceps (which is a little funny, but in a far geekier way).

On Monday I played EA’s “Active” for the Wii. It’s pretty good, if a little cheesy (ie: the music, the trainer). With the game you get an elastic resistance band and a leg holster for the nun-chuck part of the Wiimote. You tell the machine some embarrassing details about yourself (age and weight) and create an character for yourself (mine looks disturbingly a lot like me, except I would never, ever wear a track-fucking-suit).

Because it is a game, I thought it would be pretty easy. So I sent the intensity on the highest level. I mean… how intense could it be? Turns out – pretty fucking intense.

I like the way it works – it keeps you moving and gets you sweating. I was awesome at the running but the kick-backs nearly killed me. The arm stuff was no problem at all. The trainer is very supportive and vaguely retarded (she’ll say, “you made that look easy!” when I’m panting, dripping sweat and begging her to stop making me do squats, which is either cruel or stupid).

So why does my crotch hurt so much?

First, the inline skating. Oh lord, the inline skating. It sounded so easy… crouch down to go fast, stand to slow down, jump to… well, to jump (duh). Easy, right? No, no, no. Do a deep squat right now and hold it for two minutes. Go on, I dare ya. I’ll wait. But while you are doing that, every few seconds toss a jump in there and get back into your squat. Make sure you do 24 jumps. Doesn’t feel so good, does it? Now, do that twice within a 30 minute period while you are also doing other inane things like jogging in place or shoulder raises. Does. not. feel. good.

Next, the lunges. At the time this seemed less pain-inducing than the skating (which nearly made me weep, I tells ya) but in hindsight I think this was the killer move. The reason is two-fold. First, the Wii knows you are moving because of the nun-chuck strapped to your leg. And unless you do a deep lunge, the game knows you are a dirty cheater. So you have to do a pretty intense lunge that is nearly the splits. Second, I’m an out-of-shape mutha-effa. So doing things like “exercise” hurts me. Apparently, hurts me a lot. For days.

Between the skating and the lunges, my inner thigh muscles are just killing me. I’ve been walking around like a cowboy with no horse since Monday. Obviously it was a good workout, but I don’t know how effective it is to hurt myself for half an hour one night and then not be able to move for the next three days. Seriously.

I’m going to give it another go tonight but with the intensity kicked down a notch. If my crotch is going to hurt this badly, I can think of more interesting and enjoyable ways to cause that. And none of them involve making a Wii-mii inline skate.

Someone’s out of shape… might be me

>Okay, I’m just kidding. It’s definitely me.

What brought about this revelation you might ask? It has nothing to do with my size (although it bloody should) or that I’ve been considering “pizza” a food group for the last few months. No, no. It has to do with the intense ache in my groin.

Well, not my groin (groin is just a funnier word). It is more the inside and back of my right thigh. I’m in pain, kids. I’m walking around like a gimpy old grandma. I should have a cane.

You know what I did to hurt myself? All I did to hurt myself? A few hours in the garden (I got scratched too – effing thorns!) and an hour playing Wii.

Yah, Wii. Screw you. I said I was out of shape! In pondering the pain brought on by relatively so little exercise I tried to recall the last time I exercised. Never mind the last time… I bet in the nearly two years I’ve lived in London I’ve only really-real exercised less than a dozen times.

Oh sure. I’ve joined the gym. I even went a couple of times. There was the week I was going to start running. I ran once. I bought a yoga mat and didn’t use it. An iPod shuffle for running. Didn’t run. And most recently I bought a Nintendo Wii so at least I would have to stand up to play video games.

I bought the Wii a few months ago whilst living in Aurghville while I still had something resembling a disposable income. I did play a few times, but it was so squishy in my room and the screen I was using so small that it wasn’t as fun as I had wanted.

Now I have a nice big lounge and thanks to Stefan and Caryn a screen that is bigger than the one on my phone. Last night Tyran and I set up the Wii and played for about an hour (thus some of the soreness today) and it was a lot of fun.

I don’t think that ultimately just goofing around with the Wii is going to constitute enough exercise to make up for two years of being a lazy sloth… but I’m hopeful that at least the yoga part will mean I don’t have to hobble around like a crippled geriatric the Monday after a single day of gardening.


>I tried having Reiki done during a massage tonight and it was totally rad. I was surprised, because I expected it to be completely lame. How effective can a massage be where the person hardly even freaking touches you?

It mostly felt like there was water running over my body, but at one point when her hands were near my face my lips felt all… tingly. And she wasn’t even touching me. It was very, very relaxing.

I’m hoping that between having a massage tonight and a new mattress pad, I’ll get a wicked night sleep. I need it!

Original Comments:

Carey wrote (on 07/07/08):
Coming from you, that is a ringing endorsement! I am gonna go get me one of these massages this week. Thanks!

The days are just packed

>For being my “short” day – today felt like a long fucking day.


Today we had a “market” for the kindergarten kids. Basically, all the little monkeys brought in old clothes, toys, and books. We also had stationary and snacks. Then we gave the little hooligans 20 pretend dollars and sent them off while we manned the stations. It was pretty fun, actually. We had to teach them the language of shopping, and apparently every teacher thought bargaining was an essential part of shopping (must be vacationing in Thailand, Malaysia and the Philipines that did it). They are totally screwed if they shop at a supermarket. So it was fun because they would say “Teacher, how much is this cookie?” and I could say “5000 dollars”. Most would say “too much”, and we would go from there, but the quieter kids and the dumber kids and the younger kids would just hand you whatever they had and let you figure it out. It was mayham, but it was good mayham.


I was a little sore from Tae Kwon Do – I have pulled my… well, nearly everything hurts, okay? Everyfreakingthing. So I decided to go to the sports massage guy. And he tortured me for an hour. It feels good, but it kills you at the same time. It felt like he was trying to separate the individual muscle fibres. I think he succeeded. It was painful… but not the most painful thing I did today.


Today Tae Kwon Do was also painful because of the massage. And I was sleepy. I felt like I couldn’t do anything, and was very sore trying to do it. But we did start to learn to use weapons today – and that kicks serious ass. Even better… I wasn’t too bad at it and I thought I would blow. We are using “Tae Kwon Sticks” (I forgot the Korean for them – that is the English the Master told us and I think it sounds goofy as shit) and they rule. They are about as long as your forearm and you get two of them. They keep getting caught in my shirt, but I still like them. I thought I wouldn’t be any good with them because you sort of twirl them like a baton – and I had a silvery baton with tassels when I was 7 and I wasn’t any good with it. But I didn’t do too badly. And the sweetest thing is that we can buy our own. Whoo-hoo! Also, I should get a yellow belt after next week. More sweetness.


I was sore after Tae Kwon Do, so I thought I would go to the sauna to soak in their tubs, as I do not have one.

~Side Note on Muscle Soreness~

Can you believe I can’t find Tiger Balm in this country? What the?

~End Side Note~

While at the sauna, I thought I would try the scrub service, as it is only $15 and I could use some exfoliation as much as the next person. Some exfoliation – yes. What this half-naked Korean woman did to my body – no.

Remember that at a sauna you are walking around naked everywhere. So I walk (naked) to the scrubby ladies (who are wearing nothing but bra and panties – which is more than me) and indicate that I want the 15,000won jobbie. She doesn’t speak English, I don’t speak Korean, but through pantamime and gesture we get on the same page. She has me lie face up on a pink plastic table. And then the pain began.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I thought it would be a little rough – it IS exfoliation, after all. However, I did not think that she would come after me like you would a dirty freaking floor. She had a glove on each hand that felt like those little green scrubbies you use to clean pots. And she started rubbing. AURGH! Not only was it ROUGHER than I thought – but she exfoliated in places that I didn’t need exfoliating. Like my armpits. Like my colon. It was really, really invasive. My favorite part was lying on my side, one leg up in the air and the other bent on the table so she could really get to my upper inner thigh. Oh dear.

In the end though it was worth it. After the scrub she massaged oil in (also everywhere – I should have tipped and lit a cigarette) and then hosed me down (definately should have tipped). I liked her; she would indicate that I needed to turn over by giving me a slap. Nice.

Now I’m off to bed ’cause I’m very tired after today. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m very happy that tomorrow is Friday. I definately could use another weekend.


Moms – I’m not dying of some weird tropical disease. The weird vertigo and nausea thing isn’t happening anymore, but I did go to the doctor exactly as you ordered. Although he isn’t 100% sure, the doctor thinks the sickness I experienced was due to my extremely (apparently) low blood pressure. It doesn’t usually bug me, but he thought the change in humidity, temperature, and altitude probably dropped it so low that I was near passing out all the time. Next time I will just have to ingest more salt. Who’da thunk it?

>One more sleep


Even though going to Thailand has been in the works for weeks now, it hasn’t felt real. It is starting to feel real now that I am packing bags and only have one more sleep until I get on the damned plane. And I’m a wee bit nervous. How did I go from never going anywhere to going everywhere?? This is craziness…

Not much has been going on this week except my absolute sickness and working. I even took a day off work, I was that freaking sick. I’m still not better, but I’m still getting on the damned plane. I don’t know how bad I would have to be before I would miss this trip… flesh-eating disease. Maybe.

Last week, a package came from my moms (thanks moms!) with many treats in it… I’m so happy about the cinnamon gum I’m giddy. But the best was a present addressed to “Jodi Teacher and her Monkeys… from Santa”. The kids went, well… apeshit. It was hilarious. They kept saying “Jodi Teacher, you writing? You writing, right?” And I kept assuring them that no, no… it wasn’t me. That “Jodi Teacher’s Mommy” said Santa left the present at her house by mistake and she had just sent it along for him. They bought it.


Christmas is fun with a group of people who still believe in all of it. The monkeys have been crazy this week – and every once in a while they break out in “We Wish You a Merry Christmas”, which is sung mostly phonetically.


The present ended up being “magic trees” that we could put together. Fun! The kids had a great time, and I took a bunch of pictures. They are at Flickr, if you want to see happy monkeys. I also took pictures of my PK (afternoon) kids. They can be cute sometimes too. I have to give them all tests tomorrow afternoon and I feel like a Scrooge. Merry fucking Christmas, bastards – write your damned test on the last day before holidays (insert evil laughter here).

So… I won’t be online until after December 31st. I WILL be on the beach with a beverage in one hand and a novel in the other. Aaron promised we can go look at monkeys (real monkeys, not Korean children). I should have lots of pictures (of MONKEYS) when I get back.

In the meantime, Merry Christmas everyone. I hope your holiday is happy, safe, and is spent with people you want to spend time with (I mean, as best you can without me there with you). And because virtual kisses just aren’t the same, consider this my IOU for a big, sloppy, drunken New Years Eve kiss, which you can redeem the next time you see me (no matter when or where that happens to be). Cheers!

Original Comments:

Jeanine wrote (on 27/12/05):
Merry Christmas Jodi!!! Miss ya and hope you have an awesome wicked trip!
Thanks for the card too. A little bit of news for you….Christa and Randy are expecting a baby in Aug 2006 and Brynn and Matt got engaged on her birthday! Lots of changed coming up. Nothing really new in my life. Bought a car last weekend, so I will be working extra hard now! Haha. Talk soon, be safe and drink lots, J

>Warning: Complaint post ahead


So, instead of going out with everyone at work for our Christmas party, I am at home in bed watching movies and nursing a 40 degree fever (that’s 104 degrees to you, moms). This blows. I don’t even feel THAT bad… just achy, cranky, and the blankets are hurting me. And my head hurts. And my throat. And my tummy. 😦

Add insult to injury that I worked all day feeling like crap so I wouldn’t feel guilty about going to the Christmas Party, and now I feel even crappier so I’m not going to the damned Christmas party.


Original Comments:

Erin wrote (on 17/12/05):
Poor Jodi pants!
Fevers suck and I sent all of November catching various flus and colds so I can comiserate!
We miss you and wil have net again on the 28th YAY getting angry does work sometimes.