Tag Archives: funny stuff

Williamsaurus

William is Korean aged 10. He is a very smart and sensitive third grader with the cutest dimples when he smiles… so I’m always trying to make him smile.  He’s almost always got food on his shirt and he’s a funny kid although his sense of humour is sometimes strange. He is full of saliva and always smacks his lips when he reads. And he reads like a mini Korean Shatner.

So the other day in class there was some weird sort of brown spooge in his workbook. He had been eating chocolate when I came in the classroom so I said, “Ew. Is that chocolate?”

Without batting an eye, William scratches off the brown smear and sniffs at it. For a moment, I seriously thought he was going to eat. I would have let him. I’m a bad teacher sometimes.

Random Children Chatterings

Although I do have complaints about my school, I have absolutely nothing but love for the kids I teach. They. are. amazing. They make me laugh almost every single day and all the hugs and smiles are great. Here are a few recent bits that happened that made me laugh.

Albert Speaks 1

Albert. Again.

This kid. Seriously. THIS KID.

Me: What is the opposite of “female”?
Albert: Jew.
Me: WHAT?! “JEW”??
Albert: No! Jew. JEW. (makes a ‘z’ gesture)
Me: Do you mean “zoo”?
Albert: Yah. Zoo.

I don’t have any idea what he was thinking. Neither did he, he wouldn’t even try to explain once Jessica said the right answer.

 Albert Speaks 2

The workbook had the word “near-sighted” in it, and the kids didn’t know that particular word. I broke it down into the two parts, and was trying to get them to give me another word for “sight”. They had no clue. Thanks, level-appropriate book.

So I pointed to my eyes, trying to get them to say “look” or “see”. What does Albert come up with when I pointed at my eyes?

Excitedly he exclaimed, “Dark circles!”

Clearly I need more sleep.

Nice Try, Robinsaurus

Me: (teaching analogies) What is to “hand” as “ankle” is to “foot”?
Robin: Hankle.

From stinky to tasty in one bath

In 2:30 elementary class we are reading a story called “Animal Homes”, of which a skunk’s home is one of the ones described. So we were talking about skunks. During the discussion, I brought up that the skunk spray is very, very hard to get rid of… especially off a furry pet like a dog. I asked the class what strange thing people think  you should bathe a dog in to get rid of the skunk smell, and the only clue I gave them was that it was something you could eat or drink.

Jessica’s first answer of what to bathe your stinky dog in? Barbecue sauce.

Random Children Chatterings

There were a few gems over the last week or so. Thought I’d lump a few together into one post. Save us all some time.

Evan the Heretic

In one of the 11 years old elementary classes, we are prepping for TOEFL. One of the reading passages was about the death penalty (we’ve also covered the holocaust and a few other cheery topics).

Evan says, “I don’t need to read this. I know all about the death penalty.”

I said, “Oh really? What do you know about it?”

“Well,” he says, “I had the death penalty happen to me in a past life. They punched and kicked and burned me alive for saying that the earth went around the sun.”

That kid is too hilariously smart for his own good.

Stop Hitting Yourself

In one of my kindergarten classes Justin kept asking “who’s punching me?”… while punching himself.

Beer Cup

Kindergarten Ethan rarely answers questions correctly, and I loved this one. There was a picture of a glass that did look a lot like a pint glass. The children all guessed “cup” when I asked “what is this?”

I told them that wasn’t the correct answer. After a pause Ethan pipes up and says, “BEER CUP!”

That kid is going places.

Stinkypants

So, one of our teachers doesn’t smell very good. As in, eye-wateringly bad some days. Last week he took to showering in Axe. He was teaching my kindergarten homeroom for a block, and I had to go in there after him. It stank so badly of Axe, I would have known he had been in there even if I didn’t know my kids’ schedule.

It was so pungent that I asked, “Was [teacher’s name] spraying something in here?” while miming spraying myself with something. It was so strong I figured he must have reapplied in the room. And that’s pretty fucking sick.

“No, Teacher,” Luna replied with her nose scrunched up. “That’s just his body.”

Awesome. Even the kids think he’s the stinky teacher.

Today’s News

That 2:30 class. I love them. Today during reading time, Jessica and Albert started reading like newscasters. Saying things like “Today on Albert News”, and then reading the page of the story like a newscaster. Albert would finish by saying, “Thank you to listening to my news. Over to you, John.”

John was singing his pages whilst dancing. And while he was doing that, Jessica and Ellie were miming taking pictures… the paparazzi.

But perhaps my favourite was Lilly. While the other four children were being monkeys, she just smiled her patient Mona Lisa smile, waiting her turn, and then reading as seriously and perfectly as she always does. What a kid.

A House is a House for Me

My 2:30 elementary class may have the best kids ever in it. They make me laugh pretty much every day. Right now we are reading a story called “A House is a House for Me”, which is a pretty epically long (epically long if you are 7 years old and reading in a foreign language) about how all sorts of things can be considered “houses” for things… if you stretch the meaning of the word “house” a little bit.

We’ve been reading this story for a couple weeks, so to do something different, today I had them close their books and I “quizzed” them on all the different type of “houses” mentioned in the story. Which, keep in mind, we’ve read oodles of times. These were the three best responses.

What is a house for a pea? “A pea is a house for a sausage.” – John (yes, that John)

What is a house for a foot? “PANTS!!!” – Albert (yes, that Albert)

What is a house for a corn ear? – “An earmuff.” – Ellie

My favourite answer was Albert’s, because he was SO CONFIDENT in his response that he stood and shouted it. You should have seen his little face when he heard the correct answer. Too funny!

Which Is True of Sue?

Lots of funny kids today. Started with John’s views on strength, and then Evan pulls this on me.

Evan really is a super funny kid. Today we were reading a passage in our TOEFL book about this 18 year old girl named Sue who protected her brothers during a class 4 tornado and what a hero she was… blah blah blah. One of the questions about the story was “According to the passage, which is true of Sue?”

The possible answers were:

A. She was not injured.
B. She was brave.
C. She was a volunteer.
D. She was a high school graduate.

Evan’s answer? “C, teacher. She was a volunteer. SHE VOLUNTEERED…. TO DIE.”

Something wrong with that kid. I love him.

John Strikes Again

Thankfully, less fartastically this time. But still, nearly popped a blood vessel in my eye trying to keep from laughing.

So for whatever reason, Albert (he of the “I’d ask a jaguar why he’s black” fame) was flexing his biceps at me. The following conversation then took place:

Albert: Teacher, I am strong.
Me: You sure are! Look at that muscle!
John: Teacher, he is not strong.
Me: John, why would you say that?
John: Because he’s white.
Me: o.O

So it turns out that John’s full sentence should have been “He’s not strong because he only has a white belt in Tae Kwon Do”. Which is not quite the same as “because he’s white”.

Perhaps what is even funnier is how indignant Albert became after finding out that he was being athletically maligned instead of racially taunted. Turns out Albert has a black and red belt in Tae Kwon Do… he was proper insulted by being called a white belt. These boys!