There were a few gems over the last week or so. Thought I’d lump a few together into one post. Save us all some time.
Evan the Heretic
In one of the 11 years old elementary classes, we are prepping for TOEFL. One of the reading passages was about the death penalty (we’ve also covered the holocaust and a few other cheery topics).
Evan says, “I don’t need to read this. I know all about the death penalty.”
I said, “Oh really? What do you know about it?”
“Well,” he says, “I had the death penalty happen to me in a past life. They punched and kicked and burned me alive for saying that the earth went around the sun.”
That kid is too hilariously smart for his own good.
Stop Hitting Yourself
In one of my kindergarten classes Justin kept asking “who’s punching me?”… while punching himself.
Kindergarten Ethan rarely answers questions correctly, and I loved this one. There was a picture of a glass that did look a lot like a pint glass. The children all guessed “cup” when I asked “what is this?”
I told them that wasn’t the correct answer. After a pause Ethan pipes up and says, “BEER CUP!”
That kid is going places.
So, one of our teachers doesn’t smell very good. As in, eye-wateringly bad some days. Last week he took to showering in Axe. He was teaching my kindergarten homeroom for a block, and I had to go in there after him. It stank so badly of Axe, I would have known he had been in there even if I didn’t know my kids’ schedule.
It was so pungent that I asked, “Was [teacher’s name] spraying something in here?” while miming spraying myself with something. It was so strong I figured he must have reapplied in the room. And that’s pretty fucking sick.
“No, Teacher,” Luna replied with her nose scrunched up. “That’s just his body.”
Awesome. Even the kids think he’s the stinky teacher.
That 2:30 class. I love them. Today during reading time, Jessica and Albert started reading like newscasters. Saying things like “Today on Albert News”, and then reading the page of the story like a newscaster. Albert would finish by saying, “Thank you to listening to my news. Over to you, John.”
John was singing his pages whilst dancing. And while he was doing that, Jessica and Ellie were miming taking pictures… the paparazzi.
But perhaps my favourite was Lilly. While the other four children were being monkeys, she just smiled her patient Mona Lisa smile, waiting her turn, and then reading as seriously and perfectly as she always does. What a kid.