Tag Archives: exercise

The Wii broke my crotch

>Alright, so it isn’t my crotch… crotch is just funnier than groin and groin is funnier than “inner upper thigh thingers” by which I suppose I would mean my quadriceps (which is a little funny, but in a far geekier way).

On Monday I played EA’s “Active” for the Wii. It’s pretty good, if a little cheesy (ie: the music, the trainer). With the game you get an elastic resistance band and a leg holster for the nun-chuck part of the Wiimote. You tell the machine some embarrassing details about yourself (age and weight) and create an character for yourself (mine looks disturbingly a lot like me, except I would never, ever wear a track-fucking-suit).

Because it is a game, I thought it would be pretty easy. So I sent the intensity on the highest level. I mean… how intense could it be? Turns out – pretty fucking intense.

I like the way it works – it keeps you moving and gets you sweating. I was awesome at the running but the kick-backs nearly killed me. The arm stuff was no problem at all. The trainer is very supportive and vaguely retarded (she’ll say, “you made that look easy!” when I’m panting, dripping sweat and begging her to stop making me do squats, which is either cruel or stupid).

So why does my crotch hurt so much?

First, the inline skating. Oh lord, the inline skating. It sounded so easy… crouch down to go fast, stand to slow down, jump to… well, to jump (duh). Easy, right? No, no, no. Do a deep squat right now and hold it for two minutes. Go on, I dare ya. I’ll wait. But while you are doing that, every few seconds toss a jump in there and get back into your squat. Make sure you do 24 jumps. Doesn’t feel so good, does it? Now, do that twice within a 30 minute period while you are also doing other inane things like jogging in place or shoulder raises. Does. not. feel. good.

Next, the lunges. At the time this seemed less pain-inducing than the skating (which nearly made me weep, I tells ya) but in hindsight I think this was the killer move. The reason is two-fold. First, the Wii knows you are moving because of the nun-chuck strapped to your leg. And unless you do a deep lunge, the game knows you are a dirty cheater. So you have to do a pretty intense lunge that is nearly the splits. Second, I’m an out-of-shape mutha-effa. So doing things like “exercise” hurts me. Apparently, hurts me a lot. For days.

Between the skating and the lunges, my inner thigh muscles are just killing me. I’ve been walking around like a cowboy with no horse since Monday. Obviously it was a good workout, but I don’t know how effective it is to hurt myself for half an hour one night and then not be able to move for the next three days. Seriously.

I’m going to give it another go tonight but with the intensity kicked down a notch. If my crotch is going to hurt this badly, I can think of more interesting and enjoyable ways to cause that. And none of them involve making a Wii-mii inline skate.

Someone’s out of shape… might be me

>Okay, I’m just kidding. It’s definitely me.

What brought about this revelation you might ask? It has nothing to do with my size (although it bloody should) or that I’ve been considering “pizza” a food group for the last few months. No, no. It has to do with the intense ache in my groin.

Well, not my groin (groin is just a funnier word). It is more the inside and back of my right thigh. I’m in pain, kids. I’m walking around like a gimpy old grandma. I should have a cane.

You know what I did to hurt myself? All I did to hurt myself? A few hours in the garden (I got scratched too – effing thorns!) and an hour playing Wii.

Yah, Wii. Screw you. I said I was out of shape! In pondering the pain brought on by relatively so little exercise I tried to recall the last time I exercised. Never mind the last time… I bet in the nearly two years I’ve lived in London I’ve only really-real exercised less than a dozen times.

Oh sure. I’ve joined the gym. I even went a couple of times. There was the week I was going to start running. I ran once. I bought a yoga mat and didn’t use it. An iPod shuffle for running. Didn’t run. And most recently I bought a Nintendo Wii so at least I would have to stand up to play video games.

I bought the Wii a few months ago whilst living in Aurghville while I still had something resembling a disposable income. I did play a few times, but it was so squishy in my room and the screen I was using so small that it wasn’t as fun as I had wanted.

Now I have a nice big lounge and thanks to Stefan and Caryn a screen that is bigger than the one on my phone. Last night Tyran and I set up the Wii and played for about an hour (thus some of the soreness today) and it was a lot of fun.

I don’t think that ultimately just goofing around with the Wii is going to constitute enough exercise to make up for two years of being a lazy sloth… but I’m hopeful that at least the yoga part will mean I don’t have to hobble around like a crippled geriatric the Monday after a single day of gardening.

Take back no. 3

>So, the first thing I took back was blogging, and I’m making writing in my blog daily a priority. I’ve only missed one or two days in the past two weeks, which is pretty good for me. Especially since (and you will have noticed this if you actually read my blog), I don’t really have much to say. But I digress. The important thing is that I’m blogging again and I’m happy about it. Hooray me.

The second thing was quitting my job. On one hand, you could say I failed miserably at that, seeing as how I didn’t actually leave the company. However, I didn’t say I was going to quit the company, so technically I’m still alright, because I’m not doing the same job. And that small distinction could prove to be very important. We’ll see.

Today I’m going to start the third thing to take back: my body. I’ve been uber-lazy physically for about… oh, about a year now. And it is taking its toll. I’ll skip the unhappy blah blah blah about my self-esteem and other issues I’m not going to face… I’m just tired of not having any energy (and, to be fair, I’m also tired of not having trousers that fit). So tonight I actually dragged my ass to the gym and kicked it. I’m going to try my best to kick my own ass daily, just like the blogging thing. Hopefully it will give me the energy I seem to be lacking. This one is my toughest take-back, and one I was thinking about leaving for later. But then I thought I might as well get moving on it now… it isn’t going to get any easier if I put it off for a few months.

With these three take-backs, I feel like I’m slowly getting a hold of my mental (blogging), emotional (work) and physical (exercise) self. I still have one more area to work on (spiritual), which will come next. And then I’ll start at the beginning again with mental and work through the four, upping the ante each time. I’m so on my way to becoming a perfect human being I’ll be even more obnoxious than I am now as a flawed one. Fun!

The days are just packed

>For being my “short” day – today felt like a long fucking day.

::SCHOOL::

Today we had a “market” for the kindergarten kids. Basically, all the little monkeys brought in old clothes, toys, and books. We also had stationary and snacks. Then we gave the little hooligans 20 pretend dollars and sent them off while we manned the stations. It was pretty fun, actually. We had to teach them the language of shopping, and apparently every teacher thought bargaining was an essential part of shopping (must be vacationing in Thailand, Malaysia and the Philipines that did it). They are totally screwed if they shop at a supermarket. So it was fun because they would say “Teacher, how much is this cookie?” and I could say “5000 dollars”. Most would say “too much”, and we would go from there, but the quieter kids and the dumber kids and the younger kids would just hand you whatever they had and let you figure it out. It was mayham, but it was good mayham.

::MASSAGE – PRONOUNCE THE ‘E’::

I was a little sore from Tae Kwon Do – I have pulled my… well, nearly everything hurts, okay? Everyfreakingthing. So I decided to go to the sports massage guy. And he tortured me for an hour. It feels good, but it kills you at the same time. It felt like he was trying to separate the individual muscle fibres. I think he succeeded. It was painful… but not the most painful thing I did today.

::TAE KWON STICK::

Today Tae Kwon Do was also painful because of the massage. And I was sleepy. I felt like I couldn’t do anything, and was very sore trying to do it. But we did start to learn to use weapons today – and that kicks serious ass. Even better… I wasn’t too bad at it and I thought I would blow. We are using “Tae Kwon Sticks” (I forgot the Korean for them – that is the English the Master told us and I think it sounds goofy as shit) and they rule. They are about as long as your forearm and you get two of them. They keep getting caught in my shirt, but I still like them. I thought I wouldn’t be any good with them because you sort of twirl them like a baton – and I had a silvery baton with tassels when I was 7 and I wasn’t any good with it. But I didn’t do too badly. And the sweetest thing is that we can buy our own. Whoo-hoo! Also, I should get a yellow belt after next week. More sweetness.

::TOO MUCH SKIN::

I was sore after Tae Kwon Do, so I thought I would go to the sauna to soak in their tubs, as I do not have one.

~Side Note on Muscle Soreness~

Can you believe I can’t find Tiger Balm in this country? What the?

~End Side Note~

While at the sauna, I thought I would try the scrub service, as it is only $15 and I could use some exfoliation as much as the next person. Some exfoliation – yes. What this half-naked Korean woman did to my body – no.

Remember that at a sauna you are walking around naked everywhere. So I walk (naked) to the scrubby ladies (who are wearing nothing but bra and panties – which is more than me) and indicate that I want the 15,000won jobbie. She doesn’t speak English, I don’t speak Korean, but through pantamime and gesture we get on the same page. She has me lie face up on a pink plastic table. And then the pain began.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I thought it would be a little rough – it IS exfoliation, after all. However, I did not think that she would come after me like you would a dirty freaking floor. She had a glove on each hand that felt like those little green scrubbies you use to clean pots. And she started rubbing. AURGH! Not only was it ROUGHER than I thought – but she exfoliated in places that I didn’t need exfoliating. Like my armpits. Like my colon. It was really, really invasive. My favorite part was lying on my side, one leg up in the air and the other bent on the table so she could really get to my upper inner thigh. Oh dear.

In the end though it was worth it. After the scrub she massaged oil in (also everywhere – I should have tipped and lit a cigarette) and then hosed me down (definately should have tipped). I liked her; she would indicate that I needed to turn over by giving me a slap. Nice.

Now I’m off to bed ’cause I’m very tired after today. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m very happy that tomorrow is Friday. I definately could use another weekend.

::JODI IN THAILAND::

Moms – I’m not dying of some weird tropical disease. The weird vertigo and nausea thing isn’t happening anymore, but I did go to the doctor exactly as you ordered. Although he isn’t 100% sure, the doctor thinks the sickness I experienced was due to my extremely (apparently) low blood pressure. It doesn’t usually bug me, but he thought the change in humidity, temperature, and altitude probably dropped it so low that I was near passing out all the time. Next time I will just have to ingest more salt. Who’da thunk it?

And this time… I mean it

>

Joined a gym today. And this time, I mean it. Ha! It is funny because yes, I joined a gym, and YES, I ran the treadmill like a gerbil on a wheel for a while. Now I am sitting in my underpants at the computer eating a tub of carmel corn. YES.

The gym here is great. It cost me 75,000W (about $80) for the month. Which is pretty pricey for Korea. But get this… I go there and they not only give me as many towels as I need (instead of one, thank YOU YWCA), but they give you GYM STRIP. Shorts and a t-shirt. SWEET! Less laundry for me and I don’t have to haul shit around all over the place. Also, they gave me a really hip little bag. No, it is ugly. But it was FREE and now all the Koreans (and only Koreans, because the bag is (duh) in Korean) will know where I go to the gym.

My first problem is that the treadmill only speaks Korean. I suppose that makes sense because I’m in Korea but… but DAMN IT I DON’T SPEAK KOREAN!! And it isn’t like I can ask the treadmill if any of the other treadmills speak English. Stupid treadmills. So I take a guess at the buttons and figure “green should mean go”. No. No, it doesn’t. It means “do you want to run at a steady pace or kill yourself on one of the death running programs of this workout equipment you can’t translate”. So I hit blue and it moves. Thank God an up-arrow means up (and down the opposite). Red does mean stop, if you were wondering. But I was willing to just get off the stupid machine and let it run alone if it didn’t. And there are TVs hooked up to each machine. Which is cool, but I REFUSE to put on the headphones provided so you can hear the sound. EWW!

So after working out and stretching, I decide to be brave and try the shower. Why brave? Because it is naked-o-rama in there, man. And yes, they gave me two towels, but each one is about the size of a tea towel. So I hold it in front of me like a maitre d’ at a restaurant and the damned thing doesn’t cover anything. Which turns out to be fine, because I have to ditch the stupid “towels” at the door of the shower. I head in there and… holy shit. I was expecting a couple of rows of shower heads and that was about it. This was beautiful! There was lovely tile everywhere and soft music playing (seriously). There were two saunas and two bathing pools – one cool and one warm. So nice. Worth being naked for half an hour. I think I might even go back.

PS: If anyone tries to tell you that Koreans do not have a body odour, tell them to try running in between two Korean men (who only walk on the treadmills… I mean… what’s the POINT??) for half an hour. They are plenty odorous.

You ARE just saying that to scare me… right?

>

Here is today’s rumour amongst the kids – that there is a typhoon hitting the west coast of Korea (yup Moms, I’m on the west coast) tomorrow. I don’t know if it is bullshit or not. Apparently China is getting really bad weather, and it was windy as a mother-effer here today (although, not as windy as it gets in Kamloops) (although there aren’t as many buildings in Kamloops to block the wind as there is here). For now I will bring my umbrella tomorrow and let you all know. Hopefully it is really bad and the power goes out and we can all go home. Hopefully the power does not go out while I am at physio and I get trapped in the Coffin of Sand. What a lame and ironic way to die.

Speaking of the Coffin, I’m still going to physio, and will talk to the doctor this Saturday. Also, I will be getting more xrays that day so hopefully I can do a full update. My back is sore today, but I blame Andrea and her bloody Tae-Bo that we did yesterday. I HATE Billy Banks. Ass. This last time we did it, we started talking back to the video. Billy (if you don’t know, he is the retard that leads on the video) (if you don’t know what Tae-Bo is: good on you)… anyway, Billy says “Okay, so when you do squats your stomach should be connected to your knees”, and Frances says “What the hell… my STOMACH should be connected to my KNEES?!?” (She hates him too, I think). I pipe up and remind her that Billy Banks is an ACTOR not a DOCTOR. It is fun because we all suck and all hate him and laugh a lot.

I bought a fish today. I figure if there is to be a typhoon, I may get trapped in my apartment and need an alternative water source (I’m always thinking, Moms). So now I have the fish bowl of water. I named him 참치 which is “Chamchi” or “Tuna” for you English-speaking folks. He likes me. He is blue. His rocks are yellow. I thought I killed Chamchi on the way home (too much wiggling) because he wouldn’t get the hell up off the bottom of his cup. But now he is in my bowl-of-alternative-water-source-in-case-of-typhoon and swimming his wee fish ass off. Go Chamchi!

Julie emailed today and brought up a good point. She said that I have mentioned drinking (a lot) of Korean beer, but not if it is good or not. Thank you, Jules. Excellent question. It is pretty good. Not great, but pretty good. On par with a Molson, Coors, etc. And for $2 a pint, after 6 or 7 you do.not.care. what the hell the effing beer tastes like. JUST BRING ME MORE BEER FOR TWO DOLLARS. DO EET. I still haven’t tried pure Soju, but I will let you know what that is like when I taste it (if it doesn’t kill me).

The water-fixer-guy is coming tomorrow. At 7:00am. Assholes. That is what I wanted to do in the middle of the week on the longest possible day (work until 7:30pm) – get up EVEN EARLIER. Rock on.


Original Comments:

Erin wrote (on 07/09/05):
  1. Yes there’s a typhoon coming
  2. School might be cancelled (mine never is)
  3. Don’t climb on your roof during the typhoon to fix an errant roof tile and don’t bother trying to catch the train home because they won’t be running
  4. Have a beer and listen to the rain