Monthly Archives: January 2011

>If before you now, would you eat animal crackers?

>Normally I would say yes. Because Animal Crackers are good. And I’ve only ever found them in the Canadian Shop in Covent Garden so their rarity makes them even more treasured. They are lemony and yummy.


However, right now I’m not eating wheat, sugar, or any other foods that are something other than a protein or a vegetable during the week. Fact.

However, if it was Saturday (my ‘free’ day), I would eat the SHIT out of those bitches. Starting with their heads. Also a fact.

In your view, do children smell good?

Most children definitely do.  I mean, not when they are really sick… or if they’ve pooped themselves or similar (read: vomited). But overall? The smell of a sleepy, snuggy little kid’s head is pretty freaking awesome.

Mild Gymnophobia

>I wouldn’t necessarily call myself body shy, but I am certainly body conscious. Always having been the chubby kid, it comes with the territory.

I’m not as bad as I used to be. When I was a kid, I was capable of changing for gym without a showing a single piece of flesh. But did I win a first place ribbon for THAT bit of gymnastics? Did I bullocks. Life’s not fair when you are twelve.

Eventually I grew out of that and became slightly more open but still body cautious in public. I liked gyms with changing cubicles. If they didn’t have them, I would perform similar strip gymnastics as when I was twelve, but now I had a towel to protect me. Shit, I used to use the pool for 12 seconds just so I had a reason to shower in my swimsuit without anyone thinking I was a fucking weird-ass never-nude or something.


In looking for that picture of Tobias Fünke from Arrested Development in his cutoffs… I found out that the fear of being nude is called Gymnophobia. THANK YOU WIKIPEDIA. MY LIFE IS COMPLETE.


And then Korea happened.

In Korea, ladies in gym locker rooms / showers and the saunas walk around naked bold as jays. It is pretty unnerving at first, but then you just sort of roll with it. Just read the “too much skin” portion of this post and you’ll get what I mean. I even had a small child once – and the children in Korea will laugh if your shirt rides up a wee bit in the back whilst you write on the board – come up to me in the gym (she swam there) locker room once while we were both completely starkers and say, “Jodi Teacher! You want an orange?” and then proceeded to hand me an orange.

I got over being nude in front of strangers pretty quickly over there.

Ah, but that is the key “in front of strangers”. I’m still a little shy about stripping down in front of people who know me. I don’t know why I think it is worse that someone I see all the time may notice you can’t see my abdominals under all that insulation… I’m pretty sure I don’t look any skinner with my kit on.

And what’s the point of this post? Well, at the gym I go to now, the lady who works in the spa there also trains at the gym. Often around the time I do. And she was in there at the same time as me today and I was feeling a little blushy (new word alert) about changing with her right there.

The point of this post: I’m a retard. This is the same spa lady who pulls hair out of my Lady Vagaga with hot wax and I’m worried she might have a look at my back fat? Seriously? HUGE ridiculousness right there, boys and girls. Huge.

>Does a nameless horse make you more nervous…

>… or less nervous than a named horse?

Horses don’t make me nervous, full stop. But if I have to choose one (and it looks as though I do), I would say a nameless horse would make me more nervous. A named horse is a tamed horse. Fact. And a tame horse is less likely to bite or kick me. Especially if the horse’s name is Gary.

>Should it still be Constantinople?

>I’m following my own rules and NOT looking this up… so I don’t know why they changed the name from Constantinople to Istanbul, so I can’t say if it was a good or bad thing. As long as nobody’s feelings were hurt, I think both names are lovely.

I can say that I have that They Might Be Giant’s song caught in my head now.

Even old New York was once New Amsterdam
Why they changed it I can’t say
People just liked it better that way

How do you stand in relation to the potato?


I like potatoes. Versatile little buggers.

Murf Mode

This was the first week of some pretty major changes as I try to improve on my quality of life. I’m not sure if it is going well or not.

I’m pretty sleepy bears.

Here are the biggest changes that I have made:

Food: No sugar, pasta, potatoes, bread. Much more water. No booze. Eating a good breakfast.

Exercise: I’m doing some. I’m trying for a quick Wiiworkout in the mornings and the gym at lunch. If I’m feeling extra good – I’ll do some sort of light activity in the evening (yoga, swim, walk).

Sleep: Going to bed before 11pm, taking melatonin, waking up at the same time each morning.

Other: Taking my vitamins, trying to just generally be more positive about things and stuffs.

How am I doing?

On the food front, I’m rocking it. And it hasn’t even been hard, although the amount of cooking that I’m doing is shocking. SHOCKING. And I’ve actually been seen eating beans this week. BEANS. (Fuller longer, eh?)

I’ve easily managed to steer clear of the booze (and so far, I don’t miss it) and avoiding the other bits hasn’t been too bad. I’m getting sick of breakfast. I’m not a breakfast eater. And although I am making yummy breakfasts, it is a huge change that I’m going to really have to work at sticking with.

I have managed two morning Wiiworkouts, but yesterday and today I crapped out (and slept in – part of my low energy issue). I have gone to the gym every day at lunch. I like going. I don’t like having to shower midday. I feel better after the activity. I hate carrying gym shit around. It’s another change I’m really going to have to work at sticking with.

I’ve done nothing active in the evenings. In the evenings, I have been a sloth. A slug. A lazy video-watching, drooling, half-awake pool of not-doing-anything. I hope that will change.

I am rocking going to bed before 11pm and taking the melatonin (I don’t know if it is really doing anything for me or not yet). I have been balls about getting up on time yesterday and today. TIRED.

This has been a helluva stressful week at work. But I think that I’m handling it better than I usually would have. This doesn’t change that I am suffering pretty bad headaches and that I was coughing up one of my lungs this morning. I think that with my old habits, this week would have hit me much harder. However, having a hard week is making it much harder to hit my new habits. If that makes sense.

And the sleepiness and headache have put me in murf mode. I was so slow moving this morning I was nearly going backwards and I actually yelled at the universe when I couldn’t find my umbrella. I’m feeling extremely overwhelmed by work. The weather is shit. I can’t even get started with what I need to do today.

On the plus side – it was (thank goodness!) a short week and tomorrow is the weekend. I just have to make it through to the other side of today in tact. Then, rest up  over the weekend and be ready to face another week Monday.

Vitamin D and other stories

>So, along with the exercise “thing”, I’m going to start taking a couple of additional supplements that I hope will improve my general well-being.

The first is vitamin D. I’m beginning to realise that trying to make vitamin D from the sun for the majority of the year in England is like trying to stay sober by drinking beer. Just doesn’t happen. At least not for approximately nine months of the year.




And you need vitamin D for things and stuffs, like not being a sad, tired sack of crap. So I’m going to add some supplements to my diet and see if I don’t perk up a wee bit.

The other thing I’m giving a go with is Melatonin, which is supposed to help with sleep. I have sleep issues. Always have. I’ve tried a million things to help it, but haven’t given Melatonin a go. So… Melatonin a go-go.


Melanoma” and “Melatonin” are two very, very different things. I would highly suggest that if you don’t want the chick at Holland and Barrett to look at you like you are a retard, do NOT go into the shop and ask for the former.

Not that I would know that from personal experience or anything. Ahem.


If I notice, you know, ANYTHING with either of these supplements… I’ll post about it. Hopefully they’ll put me in a better mood. Hopefully.

Again? Haven’t we been through this before?

>I’ve joined a gym. Again. So far I’m feeling very virtuous. If I go regularly for a week, I’ll feel angelic. Sometime into the second month, I’ll become (even more) unbearable.

I wonder how long it will last? At least this time there isn’t a contract – I can quit with a month’s notice. Right now I’m just going at lunch and running on the treadmill like a squirrel on a wheel.


I mean “squirrel on a wheel” and not “hamster on a wheel”. Remember my pet squirrels in Korea? Marty used to run the shit out of that wheel. He too had stress and other issues.

Yay squirrels!

I’m using the gym for exercise (I mean – obviously) but it is mostly so that, for one hour, I’m away from my desk and hopefully zoning (zenning?) out. It’s part of my marvellous plan to stress less and stay more positive for 2011. I’m bored of being Captain Bringdown, it’s time to bring back Captain Turbotastic.

>Are your nerves adjustable?

>I think so. Although I think everyone has a different initial set point (some people are naturally more nervous, some people are naturally more irritable), I do believe that we are capable, if we choose, of changing our range. Whether it be through mediation or medication (read: alcohol) or other means, I think everyone can help themselves be less nervous or agitated.