>Grinchy McScroogerson

>Oh good! A seasonal rant and it isn’t even bloody December yet. Awesome.

Secret Santa blows a bag of dicks at the bus stop. Fact.

Somehow I get roped into this crap every year and I don’t know how to abstain without looking like the total asshole I am.  I don’t even like having to buy presents for people I like, let alone some random wiener I’m forced to work with.


I didn’t say I don’t like buying presents for people I like. In fact, I lurve buying presents for people I like. I thoroughly enjoy it… but like so many things in life, I enjoy it on my own terms. Buying birthday/Christmas/Valentine’s/etc/etc gifts is NOT as much fun as just randomly buying and giving someone a gift simply because you came across something rad that you really, really wanted them to have. I just don’t think that Hallmark, Jesus or anyone else should tell me that I’m obligated to give someone a gift on a specific day. Eff that, man. Eff that.


I have enjoyed Secret Santa exactly once. ONCE.  It was in Korea and I gave Amelia a puffy toilet seat with a Christmas tree on it. It was filled with love. But I only enjoyed it because:  a. Amelia and I saw that toilet seat in the Lotte Mart in November and I hoped with my whole heart then that I would draw someone cool for Secret Santa that would understand why I bought them a toilet seat, b. I got to give Amelia a puffy toilet seat with a Christmas tree on it and c. Amelia is made of awesome and I like buying her presents.

Most years I end up drawing someone I don’t really know and am forced to buy the most generic £10 gift I can just to receive the most generic £10 gift someone else could find and give to me anonymously. I would have rather have just taken that £10 and gone for lunch. Seriously.

And don’t pretend like it’s fun. Because it isn’t. It isn’t fun to shop for someone you don’t know. It’s an obligation. And it isn’t fun to pretend to be excited about a gift you don’t want from someone who doesn’t understand that £10 would buy a lot of pirate ninja stickers.

Another December where I’m feeling all grumpy pants. I wish that someone could turn that £10 wienerlicious gift into a plane ticket to my moms house for Christmas. Now THAT would be awesome.

PS: If you have an idea for what to get a work mate for Christmas for £10 (it doesn’t matter that you don’t know them, I don’t really know them either) then leave it in the comments. Thanks.

PPS: My workmates aren’t actually wieners. I’m just full of anger.

One response to “>Grinchy McScroogerson

  1. >A DVD for 4.99. That way at least you make a 5 pound profit when you're given a 10 pound gift. It's what I always do 🙂

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