Horrifying Side Effect of The GSE

I’m into my second week of The Great Sleep Experiment (GSE) and it is going fairly well. This week I’ve added "drink more water". I was going to slow down on drinking coffee, but I don’t think that is going to happen, to be honest. I have said no coffee (or caffeine at all) after 5pm, which is new for me. But cutting it out completely? Cruel.

I’m not really sleeping better yet but it hasn’t even been ten days, so I’m still giving it a chance. Getting out of bed in the morning is still as balls as ever, but I’m starting to find that partway through my walk I’m nearly chirpy. For heaven’s sake, I’ve even caught myself smiling to myself on the morning walk. Egads!

I know – get to the side effect. I never saw this one coming.

It’s horrible. Terrifying. Disgusting. I hope you are ready for it. Oh God! It’s too painful to even… no. Here we go. Saying it won’t making it worse.  Are you ready?

Domestication. Ahhh!

Seriously, what’s with all the actually cooking that is going on in my freaking house?!? It isn’t natural.

Now, I can cook. I won’t say that I cook very well, but it is always edible. I can cook… I just don’t. I choose not to. Now, if you consider tossing a frozen pizza into the oven and pouring a drink while you wait for the cheese to melt "cooking", then not only do I cook, but I cook very well. If you don’t call that cooking then fair enough: I don’t cook.

Lately though, I’m finding myself having to cook for real. No, for real for real. It is gross. And it was the other night when I was cutting up cauliflower (ack! cauliflower?!?) to throw into a pot of bowling water while grilling salmon (the other veggies were alreadty cut up and I was doing laundry at the same time, with aspirations to wash the floor – by hand – after dinner*) that the concept of becoming domesticated hit me fully in the face.

Domesticated? Me? I’ve been fighting it off for so long I can’t believe it managed to sneak up on me and tackle me from the sidelines. Damn it!

So now I have to think of ways to counteract this side effect. How does one treat domestication?  I want to nip it in the bud, as it were, before it grows any worse and I start doing more activities that are indicitive of domestication… I don’t know what those would be. Probably stupid shite like polishing spoons, buying throw pillows or getting married and having babies. People! We have to stop this before it spreads!

So, if you have any ideas how to treat domestication (which I’m going to look at as though it were a disease), please leave your recommendations in the comments.  Please hurry, I don’t know how quickly the symptoms will escalate!

*I actually did hand wash the floor that night. Who the freak even am I?

One response to “Horrifying Side Effect of The GSE

  1. I don\’t think you are in any danger of becoming domesticated.  The few things you mentioned I think are actually GOOD for you and GOOD side effects.  First of all cooking… you will save money and eat healthier… nothing wrong with that.  Laundry, pfft, well, we are all forced to do laundry.  Washing the floor by hand, could be worrisome… but I know you like a clean house.
    Domesticated… That is the silver polishing, throw pillow buying, tomato growing, scrapbooking, pre-bought gifts in the closet, Martha Stewart shit you have to avoid.  Remember, I was there once!  So even if you get sucked in, there are cures, just look at me!  I was cured!
    This reminds me of a good single non domesticated girl story for you… a few month ago, my dad was here visiting me.  I was sleeping on the couch and at about 7am I woke to banging, swearing and the sound of water flowing. 
    I said: "what the hell are you doing dad?"
    Dad: "I am trying to make coffee!"
    Me: "But I don\’t have any coffee filters…"
    Dad: "I am using paper towel"
    Me: "I have paper towel?  Cool."
    Then I rolled over and went back to sleep

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