Monthly Archives: July 2008

>Preemptive apologies

>This weekend is slated to be very busy, so I’m going to state now that I don’t think I’m going to get the opportunity to blog again until Sunday. Tomorrow is a leaving-do for a co-worker, I should be hanging out with Lindz on Friday, and I have a birthday party to go to Saturday. I might not even get around to the blog on Sunday… I might be sleeping that entire day. Speaking of sleeping, that’s what I need to go and try to do now. I’m guessing that it has been about two weeks or so now where I haven’t slept through the night. Makes me cranky….

Preemptive apologies

This weekend is slated to be very busy, so I’m going to state now that I don’t think I’m going to get the opportunity to blog again until Sunday. Tomorrow is a leaving-do for a co-worker, I should be hanging out with Lindz on Friday, and I have a birthday party to go to Saturday. I might not even get around to the blog on Sunday… I might be sleeping that entire day.  Speaking of sleeping, that’s what I need to go and try to do now. I’m guessing that it has been about two weeks or so now where I haven’t slept through the night. Makes me cranky….

>Twilight

>This may have been mentioned on my blog previously but when I was in Korea I bought the stars.

No, really. Let me ‘splain.

In Korea there is so much light pollution that you rarely see the stars. Although some people said you could never see the stars… that’s not true. Some people just don’t know how to look and they don’t always see the stars anyway no matter where they are in the world. I saw the stars occasionally, but not as often as I would like to see them (and not often enough to wish on). So I bought them.

I bought them in the form of a stuffed turtle with a hard plastic shell. Wee stars are cut out in the shell, and when you push the buttons, he lights up and there are stars all over the room in your choice of amber, blue or green. Some of the constellations are even represented.

His name is Twilight, and he makes me happy.

Anyway, tonight I was lounging on my bed chatting with my moms. As we talked it got darker and darker but I didn’t feel like getting up to turn on the light. So instead I pushed Twilight’s button and made the stars come out. And as I talked to my moms I lay there with Twilight on my tummy and all the stars around my room.

As I breathed, Twilight rose with my breath and the stars around the room slowly moved as well.

And when I laughed… all the stars danced.

>Push the button

>Last week I was told a story about a guy at work who pushed a large, red button… knowing full-well what the button did and that he would lose his job if he pushed it.

He pushed it anyway.

When later asked why, the button-pusher said that he knew what the implications where of pushing that button… and he pushed it anyway.

I fully understand why this guy had to push that button. I think that every day, at least once, I get the urge to do something completely irrational and potentially destructive. I have trouble walking past cars without thinking about running my key along them. I get the urge to randomly punch strangers. I’m not afraid of heights but I do tend to avoid them because I have difficulty thinking about anything but jumping even though I know the consequences of doing so. I get the urge to throw my wallet into the river. Sometimes I want to hold up a bank. Make a crank call. Tell someone important off (for no reason, mind you). And so on.

But I don’t. Or perhaps: I haven’t yet. But perhaps there will come a day when I will do something completely irrational and entirely self-destructive. Because maybe everyone has a snapping point. Perhaps some people snap sooner than others.

I wonder if a lot people get those irrational urges, and I wonder why. Is it because we are innately self-destructive? Or because there is some kind of (albeit twisted) power in acts of random violence and/or destruction?

Regardless of why, I’m just happy I haven’t had my “gotta push the red button” day yet. And I hope that if I do come to that day before I die, whatever my “push the red button” act turns out to be, hopefully it gets me featured on Fox News.

Twilight

This may have been mentioned on my blog previously but when I was in Korea I bought the stars.

No, really. Let me ‘splain.

In Korea there is so much light pollution that you rarely see the stars. Although some people said you could never see the stars… that’s not true. Some people just don’t know how to look and they don’t always see the stars anyway no matter where they are in the world. I saw the stars occasionally, but not as often as I would like to see them (and not often enough to wish on). So I bought them.

I bought them in the form of a stuffed turtle with a hard plastic shell. Wee stars are cut out in the shell, and when you push the buttons, he lights up and there are stars all over the room in your choice of amber, blue or green. Some of the constellations are even represented.

His name is Twilight, and he makes me happy.

Anyway, tonight I was lounging on my bed chatting with my moms. As we talked it got darker and darker but I didn’t feel like getting up to turn on the light. So instead I pushed Twilight’s button and made the stars come out. And as I talked to my moms I lay there with Twilight on my tummy and all the stars around my room.

As I breathed, Twilight rose with my breath and the stars around the room slowly moved as well.

And when I laughed… all the stars danced.

Push the Button

Last week I was told a story about a guy at work who pushed a large, red button… knowing full-well what the button did and that he would lose his job if he pushed it.

He pushed it anyway.

When later asked why, the button-pusher said that he knew what the implications where of pushing that button… and he pushed it anyway.

I fully understand why this guy had to push that button. I think that every day, at least once, I get the urge to do something completely irrational and potentially destructive. I have trouble walking past cars without thinking about running my key along them. I get the urge to randomly punch strangers. I’m not afraid of heights but I do tend to avoid them because I have difficulty thinking about anything but jumping even though I know the consequences of doing so. I get the urge to throw my wallet into the river. Sometimes I want to hold up a bank. Make a crank call. Tell someone important off (for no reason, mind you).  And so on.

But I don’t. Or perhaps: I haven’t yet. But perhaps there will come a day when I will do something completely irrational and entirely self-destructive. Because maybe everyone has a snapping point. Perhaps some people snap sooner than others.

I wonder if a lot people get those irrational urges, and I wonder why. Is it because we are inately self-destructive? Or because there is some kind of (albeit twisted) power in acts of random violence and/or destruction?

Regardless of why, I’m just happy I haven’t had my "gotta push the red button" day yet. And I hope that if I do come to that day before I die, whatever my "push the red button" act turns out to be, hopefully it gets me featured on Fox News.

>Holy crap… I’ve got nothing

>I must have used up all my thinking at work, because I’ve got less than nothing to say tonight. 0_o

Holy crap… I've got nothing

I must have used up all my thinking at work, because I’ve got less than nothing to say tonight. 0_o

>But being hard on myself is what I do best!

>Someone at the pub on Friday night brought it to my attention that I run myself down a lot. Which I do. And I know I do. I’m good at it. In fact, I’m better at that than I am at anything else, really.

Since someone else thought it worth mentioning it to me, I’ve been thinking about it over the weekend. And I’ve come to the conclusion that it is no big deal, as I know exactly why I do it.

First, if I’m making fun of me, chances are no one else is. And if I’m doing it, I control what is being made fun of. I never go after my *real* flaws, I go after the ones that I can handle being mocked. There’s control in being the one to make jokes about oneself. And if other people make fun of me too… again, at least I’ve started it and can usually control what is being mocked. This way I distract people from my real flaws… and trust me – there are a lot of the freaking things.

Secondly, if I didn’t make fun of myself, chances are I would make fun of other people. Now granted: I already make fun of other people. But I would probably do it more often and to a much more hurtful extent if I wasn’t constantly making fun of myself. Nature has given me a safety-valve, and I think everyone should be thankful for that. I know I’m thankful for it: if I was as mean to other people as I was to myself, I wouldn’t have any friends.

Lastly, I deserve it. I mean, being 99.5% pure turbotastic awesomeness could go to my head if I didn’t bring myself down every once in a while. Could you imagine if I didn’t run myself down all the time? Then I would have a caustic personality AND be thoroughly (instead of just “mostly”) highly conceited. Ew! There would go the few friends I would have left after I made fun of everyone else.

I’m just happy that this particular person doesn’t read my blog. If he thinks I’m hard on myself in real life (as it were), he should see me at the keyboard. That’s where I shine at kicking my own ass.

>Lazy weekend

>I realise now that I missed a few days of blogging in there. Oopsie.

On Friday I went out with people from work for some beers and didn’t get home until late.

I did nothing during the day on Saturday, so I don’t really have an excuse. That night I went out with some friends to celebrate a birthday in Covent Garden. I didn’t even leave the house until nearly nine and was home by midnight, so it wasn’t a crazy night but I did have some laughs.

Today I’ve been semi-lazy but also productive. The house is clean and I’ve read part one of “Performance Drivers”. It’s a book about work, I think. It is interesting, but not as interesting as laying around and watching Family Guy. Which I may do more of once I am done blogging.

Oh, and I took pictures of my apartment today and put them up on Flickr. I would have taken more but my apartment is so small that a dozen photos capture it and then some.