I think the problem has been that I’ve been trying to avoid life the last few months. Work has not been going particularly well, and my unhappiness from that has been poisoning everything I do. And work being horrid is on top of everything else that has been going on… and the everything else is a little more slippery to peg down and try to explain. I’m going through an adjustment period again. England is not Korea is not Canada. I spoke with Kirstn today and she reminded me (bless her!) that it can take up to a year in a new place just to get to normal. But between cultural adjustment, not being close enough to my friends (except Colin, of course), having huge money issues both here and home and a million other things keeping me awake at night… I think I’ve been in surrender mode.
I’m tired of being tough. I just want to curl up into a ball and pray that the bear doesn’t eat me. I’m too tired to fight anymore, so I’m retreating. Instead of trying to deal with everything, I’ve somewhat decided to deal with nothing and hope that it goes away. Which, of course, it won’t.
So I’ve decided: enough cowering in the corner. I’m taking back control of what’s mine. I’m going to roll with what I can’t change, and see what I can get out of it in terms of experience or knowledge. And I’m going to change what I can, and roll with the consequences of doing so. Because you can’t move forward if you are standing still.
One of the things I enjoy doing is writing my blog. Probably because it is akin to listening to myself talk (which I also enjoy – HA!) but also because it helps me anchor down some of the thoughts that are constantly and furiously flying through my mind. I’m going to try my best to enter something at least once every day. That’s right: every day. I mean… I think about stuff (caveat: usually stupid stuff) every day, things happen every day… I should be able to write *something* everyday – even if it is incohesive, uninteresting or completely ridiculous and a waste of internet space. Regardless, I’m going to try and write something daily.
There are a few other things I’m going to change, but until those things actually happen (or at least get rolling), I’m going to wait to share them. One should happen tomorrow… so I will have something to write about then. I know how excited you must be, but you’ll just have to wait.
