Hand-uh Pone

 
So, living in Korea has meant that my cell phone (or "hand phone" as they call it here), has become highly important to me. I carry it everywhere. It is my alarm in the morning. And it has been a source of more than a few laughs.
 
A few months back work bought all of us new cell phones. I have been saving my messages (incoming and outgoing) to post before I leave. Some of them got erased when I was too slow on the draw to clean out the lame ones. Here is what is left. These date back to around June, and they are ridiculous. I’m not going to say who they are from, or to, or explain them in any way. I know what they mean. And I also realize they may not be funny to anyone except me.
 
::SEARCH::
 
Here is a list of the names currently on my phone of all my friends:  Aaron, Assclown, Asshopper, Beaver Flaps, Britstick, Brookler, Chadlinger, Colin, Cotsucker, Douche, Ellie, Emily 530, Eric, Fucktard, Gentleman’s Bathroom, INFO, Katie, Lily 530, Melanie, Mike, Mira, Mr. James, Sally 530, Smaddy, Stan, Starr, Tai, Va JJ
 
::OUTBOX::
 
Here are some of the messages I have sent, starting at the oldest.
 
turd burgler
balls
did u eat toast for dinner?
ew! that one was dirty. and creepy.
5:30 class sally? where were you today?
please bring my umbrella with you *heart*
no worries! just happy u r safe. *heart*
below………………………me
pls tell me that the school burned down while i was in boracay
did i already say 730 ok? schoool is making me stupid.
slow ass
that was weak… just like your mom.
sinusitus?
you doing anything fun tonite or are u playing scrabble with yourself?
not right now. i just ate pizza and i’m not dressed!
i’m having beers with balls
spider pig
true story
field trips suck my will to live
cock
go birthday yourself
fruit loops sighted @ lotte
i hate you
are you getting sick out of your bum?
i did! it was a great last nite out. *heart*
pirates don’t share
my umbrella!
 
::INBOX::
 
And here are some of the gems I’ve received… deserved or not.
 
i.hate.u
quatsch! u loved it.
U MUST BE A BLACK EYED SON OF A SHIT FESTERED WHORE
THAT CREEP WALT CUMMINGS LOOKS TOO MUCH LIKE BRADLEY!
cock.
u r delayed.
scrotum
THANKS FOR LAST NIGHT LOVER
nail nippers?
STEP TWO
STALL TACTIC LIES
what is this salty discharge comin out my eyes when i think bout B?
do u want to go island on day off? we got bus and lots of room.
i like them! im conflicted about the score
u alive and well?
and then there were two!
GET BENT
*heart**heart**heart**heart*

*heart**heart**heart**heart*

*heart**heart**heart**heart*

*heart**heart**heart**heart*

*heart**heart**heart**heart*
WE LOVE TO SEE YOU SMILE
CANADA THERES A LITTLE MCDONALDS IN EVERYONE
wanna drink @ the tree house?
THE GO! TEAM
GOING TO SEE PIRATES ENJOY STRONG BREW
want huricane now?
thanks dude. how was the torture?
my friend blow me
why did u eat that? WHY??????
u taste like chicken. so does ur mom!
that bolo bolo stuff is sick
my new word for awesome… PRIME!
WE ARE ON THE DECK DUDE
where the hell did u disappear to last nite?
techer! Emily
her apt is amazing!
I LOVE YOU from sally in 5:30
My mom said yes about pizza!
THANKS FOR HAVING US OVER ON SAT MAN! WILD NIGHT!
fuckin jodeezie!
so my question is… y is life… and love… such a shitter
wat r u up 2 now? why r men fucken retarded? im afraid no guitar but u can still teach me
my name is ashleigh and im an alcoholic
hey king kong! i met one of ur 530 students. what u doin tonite?
we.re at spicy chix. come.
ya right. u liked barts wang.
aunt smaddy s house… where u at?
im at batman
boji
hurricane spotted in itaewon!
i was poopin by the long legged pig.
hey hoser u at rmt?
i love u
IM EXPELLING INNER DEMONS YES
wait a minute… what happened at the end of the nite-did i say goodbye?
HEEHEE! ILL NEVER FORGET!! ASSHOPPER!!!

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One response to “Hand-uh Pone

  1. thats freakin hilarious!! 
    Love, Fucktard 

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