Straight from the Cow

 
In my 5:30 class we had been reading an article about coffee. As part of the writing assignment, the kids had to answer some questions about their favourite and least favourite drinks. Which lead to some pretty good answers (coffee and beer both made their "least favourite" list. Stupid kids.) But the funniest things said or done that day went way beyond the questions in the book.
 
MK’s favourite drink (apparently) is milk. The second question was "What do you drink it with?" and there were prompts beside the question explaining how to answer – "in a cup, in a bowl, with sugar".  MK’s answer was "I do not drink it with anything." (They are well-trained to always use full sentences.)  So I quipped, "Hey MK, you drinking your milk straight from the cow then, buddy?"
 
Wrong thing to say with these kids.
Mind you; I wind them up. It is my own fault. They were already being retardedly silly because of an early converstation about "Cootietown". I had explained to them all what "cooties" were and who had them. In my class, the girls sit together and the boys sit together. Usually works out okay for this class. But Eddie and William were acting up and I had told them (this was last week) that if they didn’t knock it off, I would make one of them sit in Cootietown.  This week, the girls started calling the boys’ table "Cootietown" and their own table "Angeltown" (unprompted by me, mind you).  I usually sit where I can; on Monday I was on the boys’ side of the table.  Emily had said to me, "It is okay, Teacher. You are still an angel."  To which Eddie remarked, "Yah, an angel with COOTIES!"  So I told Eddie he was "the mayor of Cootietown".  That’s about when they got wound up.
 
After my comment about drinking milk from the cow, Barbie started miming drinking milk from a cow. Which was pretty funny, even though I wasn’t about to tell the class why.  While I’m busy trying to ignore that, Emily pipes up and says, "Yah, right from the cow’s nipples."  Which I also tried to ignore. (Why was it I could only think of the word "teat" at this point and not "udder"?? If I had remembered "udder", I could have corrected her and not had to think about MK drinking milk straight from a cow’s flipping NIPPLES.)  I thought that the crises had passed (they weren’t giggling quite so much anymore) but then I noticed that Emily (sitting beside me) and Lily (sitting next to Emily) were drawing pictures of MK drinking milk straight from a cow.
 
I trust that most of you, whether you grew up city or country, are intelligent enough to understand approximately where on a cow milk comes from. If you don’t, look it up. Try Wikipedia.  Anyhoo… keep that in mind. Now think about this: neither Emily or Lily drew four or five teats on the cow’s udder. They are smart, but not that smart. They drew one.
 
Think about what their pictures might have looked like. Come on… I know I’m not the only immature retard out there with the dirtiest possible mind.
My favourite drawing was Lily’s. Not only did she have MK sucking the milk directly out of the cow’s single "nipple"… in her picture the cow was saying "No more milk for you!"
True story.
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