Smart Assed Monkeys

 
One thing I do tire of in school is having children chant "I’m finished, I’m finished!" when they are the first to complete the page we are currently working on. Now mind you, "I’m finished!" is marginally better than "Me finished!"… but only marginally. Who wudda thunk it, but "Me finished" is a good way of pushing my buttons. It pisses me right off.
 
Last year, when I was teaching Brooke’s class in Reading Club, I came up with a clever (well, *I* think that it is clever) analogy for the children to get them to stop fucking saying "I’m finished". And recently I shared this analogy with my class, so my own wee, retarded monkeys will stop driving me BATSHIT with their incessant chanting.
 
The analogy is this:
 
Our class is a team. And our team is in a boat race. We are all on the boat, working together to win the race. If we are all in the same boat, can any one person "finish" first? Or do we all have to finish the race together? So should anyone yell out, "I’m finished"…
 
The kids got this. It made sense to them. They could all handle being on the same team, working together towards a common goal. And thank the Lord, they all agreed that no one should shout "I’m finished" (I should have made them sign a sworn affidavit) because we were all on that boat together, crossing the finish line as one unit. Then I told the wee fuckers that if they DID continue to shout "I’m finished", I would break their legs (or, I may have said "take away a sticker". In kindergarten, taking stickers is the more effective threat). For the rest of the day, I was slightly lenient (new rule and all) but warned them again that I didn’t want to hear "I’m finished" ever again and to not forget our team on the boat.
 
The next day we were working on Mega Flash (or some other book) and Ryan II was finished first. So, he immediately (old habits die hard) yelled out, "I’m finished!"
 
Which prompted Jonathan to turn to him with one eyebrow raised and remark, "Jumped out of the boat, did ya?"
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