Monthly Archives: October 2005

>Paintballing and Halloween


It has been a rather eventful few days. Good thing I remembered my effing camera for at least one of the days…


On Sunday Orla forced 8 teachers to go paintballing, and it was bunches of fun. I have never been before, and didn’t really know what to expect. It was great. They let our entire group stick together on one team, which was nice. I now know not to shoot until I am close enough to hit the other person. I ran out of bullets a lot. Also, I paintball the way I play video games, meaning I stay in one spot and wait for someone to come close enough for me to hit them. I was shot just once, in the ass, and it stung. I figured paintball played out the same way for me that going to war would, except getting shot in the ass in paintball doesn’t qualify you for a pension.

Injuries: 2
Location of Injuries: Ass welt and hand full of prickly, burr-things. Yuck!


Halloween was chaotic and fun. We have been decorating our classes for weeks, and on Friday night we stayed late and did up everything else. The halls and front desk were decorated by the Korean teachers. We also changed the “big gym” into a games room and the “play gym” (think, “indoor playground at McDonald’s”) into a Haunted House. I was on the Haunted House team.

The nicest part about Halloween is that we didn’t have to teach. HOORAY! I hardly even saw my kids because I had to be at the Haunted House. How scary was it? There are 11 classes. We had at LEAST ONE CRIER in EVERY class. Hooray! Mission accomplished! Although we fell short on our “get one kid to piss him/herself” manifesto. Oh well, we are still considering it a success. My little cowards wouldn’t even go INTO the room, let alone through the course we had set up. Wusses. It was great. After lunch we had singing, and my monsters did a good job. I was happy with them. They looked pretty cute in their costumes too.

After kindergarten was done, we had all of our afternoon classes go to the Big Gym for a Scary Story contest. I’m happy to say that in my 2:30 class my kid tied for 3rd place, and in my 5:30 class my kid took first. GOOD JOB! Hooray! Also, I tied for third place in the classroom decorating contest. It was all good.

I do have pics up at Flickr, if you are interested. I’m the big kid in the witch costume. Hopefully other teachers (ahem) will post their pictures so I can link to them for you guys. It really was a good (but tiring) time.

One last note: we get stared at a lot in Korea. There aren’t a ton of white people here. And tonight, as we walked in costume from the school to the pub for a pint and a bite, you could see people trying to NOT stare. It was funny. Then there were people that had to come over and comment, mostly because Joe-Teacher was dressed as freaking Batman with fake muscles and everything.


>Just a VERY quick blog today to say I have purchased the ticket to Thailand. YES YES YES!!! I’m going to get to see monkeys!

>Take that, throat infection!!


Well, I was apparently right and it wasn’t just a cold. Apparently, WHATEVER it was I had (doctor’s English was good… but not THAT good), needs a shot in the ass and 5 different pills three times a day to fix. YES!

Although anything here takes a shot in the ass. I could have a hangnail and they would give me a shot in the ass. It is cool and strange at the same time. But I am feeling better overall.

>Cold, shmold


It is 4:30am here and I haven’t slept yet. I have yet to confirm my disease, but consider the following symptoms:
  • Sore throat. So bad that everytime I swallow, it feels as though it would be less painful to have an amateur serial killer attempt to remove my larynx with a rusty straight razor.
  • Elevated body temperature. (I’m hot stuff, baby.)
  • Sore throat… but no cough (I think coughing might kill me, it would hurt so much… glad there is no coughing).
  • Body aches (okay, this could be because of the slight fever I am running).
I’m not a doctor, but I’ve had all these symptoms before. And it wasn’t until I realized that I was still lying awake dying at 4:30am (every time I am nearly asleep, I swallow my own saliva and nearly die it hurts so much to swallow that it wakes me up) what the hell could be wrong with me. My slightly runny nose threw me off (because a runny nose is not a symptom of what I think I have)… but I’m pretty sure on this one.

Strep fucking throat. Excellent.

This means I have been contagious for about three days. Poor little monkeys. I could be wrong, but I have a strong feeling about this one. Guess I will finally drag my ass to the doctor tomorrow. I’ll let you know how much Korean antibiotics cost if I’m right. If I’m wrong, I’ll just have to try plan B: kill my cold with gin and drink myself to sleep.

Original Comments:

Erin wrote (26/10/05):
I understand, here they give you pennicillin in handy shots in the arm. First time injection for me! Luckily the last time I had strep my friends Jackie and Marlowe needed a housesitter so I got to live in solitude for 4 heavenly days. Just me the glands and their cats!

>Sick monkeys = sick Jodi-Teacher


Not much going on, thanks to this wicked-ass cold I have right now. My glands are the size of golf balls and it hurts to turn my damned head. And before you can say ANYTHING moms… I am taking my damned vitamins. It doesn’t enter into it. The problem is that 86.4% of my kids are sick. (And not in the head, I mean that they have colds.) (And one of the little a-holes actually threw up… good thing it didn’t happen in my room, or I would have thrown up too. I’m not cut out for that kind of shit). And these sick little bastards touch me ALL DAY. ALL DAY. Or I have to touch their books and stuff. EW EW EW EW. So I’m sick. I’m done bitching.

My kids are all writing Scary Stories for Halloween. I get to pick “the best one” from each of my classes. I will find the time to post the stories here… some of them are pretty good. Too bad the funniest ones (aka the ones that make NO effing sense) won’t get picked. Maybe I’ll post some of them too. Heh heh. I will take pictures of the school on Halloween day – it has been pretty fun decorating for Halloween and I will post pics once I can also get the kids in their costumes. The Scooby Doo song is in the bag. Adorable little idiots anyway.

Last thing… this weekend I am going paintballing for the first time. Hopefully there will be pictures of that too.

>Blogomatic 6000

>I’m a blog machine. I’ve had things to tell everyone, but I’m a lazy asshole. Now, super-blog. And then no blog. And super-blog again. Maybe. Anyhoo…

Last weekend I went into Seoul a couple of times. We take the bus in, and… here is the cool thing. It is only a $1.50 to ride the bus for an hour. And it is a nice bus, like a Greyhound. (Okay, okay… the Greyhound isn’t exactly NICE, but it kicks a city-bus’ ass. Seriously. If a Greyhound bus and a city bus were in the ring, the Greyhound bus would slaughter the city bus in the first round). From where I live in Suji to Seoul is about an hour (so from about Langley into downtown Vancouver) and it is STILL only a buck fiddy. Sweet!

This last time I was at the market with Aaron-Teacher, we saw a Korean celeb. ‘Course, we didn’t know it, so we weren’t nearly excited about it as the Koreans were (and they were freakin’ excited, I tells ya). Turns out his name is Andre Kim and he is a famous fashion designer here in Korea. Who knew? I thought he was an ugly mother-effer, but that’s just me. Creepy, if nothing else. I’ve added a picture so you can decide for yourselves.

Speaking of pictures, I will get new apartment pics up soon. Haven’t forgotten, just… you know. Busy. Also, no details yet, but I do have a flight booked to Thailand for Christmas. YES YES YES!!! I’m going to beach it up for an entire week. Sweet!

>Come on down!


I’m supposed to have been teaching the monkeys how to tell time. In their second language. At the age of five. Most of these moronic primates can barely count to twelve, let alone grasp the concept of freaking time. But I’ll give it a go and see if they learn anything. After working through the basics (for those of you who forget how to tell time on a clock with hands, the “basics” would be just the “o’clocks”) and they do pretty good. So I decide to see just how good, and start asking some harder questions like “when is water time” (10:25) and “when is lunch” (12:30). To test them, I have them come to the board and draw the hands on a clock that I drew. Side note: I’m becoming seriously kick-ass at drawing on the board. Yes! Back to the story. Both the guys who come up first do pretty good. Then I ask a hard one: When is lunch time OVER? Well, the Mad Pooper volunteers and I KNOW this kid doesn’t have the answer. Here comes the good part… the part I wish everyone could have seen. The Mad Pooper is standing at the board on a chair, pen in his chubby little hand, tongue sticking out of his mouth, looking over his shoulder while the kids shout answers at him. You can almost SEE his little mind going, trying to pick the best answer that is being shouted to him (among the answers was “20:35… CHRIS… 20:35!” Idiots). And it hits me. The Mad Pooper looks like he is on the Price is Right. And I imagine “The Mad Pooper” written on his name tag and I nearly pitch a fit I’m laughing so hard. By myself. In a room of 5 year olds that don’t speak my language. It was great.

On a semi-related note: I have to teach the kids two Halloween songs. One has to be the “Trick or Treat Song” (yah, as in “smell my feet”) which is fun, because all the teachers are teaching them that the last line is “just the size of Montreal”. These little bastards have NO idea what the eff “Montreal” means. The other song we get to pick individually, class by class. So I’m teaching my kids the theme song to Scooby Doo. Already funny. But… it gets better… I wish I had a camcorder… the little buggers have a dance that they do to it. HA HA HA HA HA!!! I LOVE IT!

>The moment I realised I am the world’s biggest dink

>So I’m cruising my favorite websites, and I check out Andrea’s Flickr site (which is great, she takes fabulous photos). She’s got some new shit and I check it out. That is when I realize the following:

I am the world’s biggest dink and Andrea… I am SO SORRY I FORGOT YOUR BIRTHDAY!!!

I can’t even begin to tell you how much of an asshole I feel like. But I am about to. It is 6:24am in Vancouver right now and I am going to try to call and wake you up. It is too little, too late, but I hope a public apology is somewhat acceptable for my unacceptable behaviour. If you were here, I will happily allow you to KICK MY ASS. Because I deserve it.

If anyone else forgot sweet, sweet Andrea’s birthday (the big 30, even), please email me and I will forward Andrea’s email address to you (don’t want to just post it, Ayfray).

Again, a thousand apologies. Loves to you and kisses. Please don’t hate me.

Original Comments:

careybatgirl wrote (on 11/10/05):
Happy Birthday Andrea

careybatgirl wrote (on 11/10/05):
PS. Jodi is a dink

careybatgirl wrote (on 11/10/05):
PSS. Jodi’s birthday is REALLY May 4th!!!

and-errhea wrote (on 19/10/05):
Holy crap, Jodes. I expected more from you after this long. I hate you forever because you forgot my birthday. For real. I mean, come on, your BFF turns 30 and you’re just too busy teaching and drinking and effing to think about HER for 10 minutes? Well, I’m sorry if I’m such an inconvenience to you. Seriously, I’ve remembered your birthday EVERY YEAR for the past 28 years, and this is the thanks I get? I give and give and give and just get nothing in return. I could just cry. We’re no longer friends.

With love.

I did some research, and here’s the scoop we were looking for:

Snuffleupagus – A large shaggy brown elephant-like creature that debuted in 1971 on the children’s program SESAME STREET/PBS/1969+. For many years adults on Sesame Street believed that Aloysius Snuffleupagus was the imaginary friend of Big Bird. In 1985, however, Snuffleupagus was seen by everybody for the first time. Snuffleupagus also had a sister named Alice who debuted in 1987.

Now we know.

>Pottery Farm

>I finally uploaded the pottery farm field trip pics to Flickr for everyone to see. FINALLY. Sorry about that. It was a lot of freaking fun too. Well, some of it was. Some wasn’t. Such is life.

We got four classes to each bus, so approximately 40 kids or so. Not bad. Strapped them in and headed out. It was an hour and a half (egads!) to the pottery farm. They played a video on our bus which kept most of the kids entertained. Well, half of them. Because the half that was sitting at the windows couldn’t see the effing TV screen at the front of the effing bus. I heard “Jodi Teacher, me no look” EIGHT MILLION EFFING TIMES!! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Well, that is what I would have liked to scream. Instead, what I said was, “You can HEAR it, right? Just listen and sing along.” Because it was a sing-a-long type video. It looked like a knock-off of Sesame Street, right down to a faux-Kermit (he wore glasses and his neck-ruff was yellow instead of that sexy green Kermy has). It also had three singing sperm, each a different colour with flowers stuck to their spermy little heads. Now, I suppose you are going to draw the same conclusion I ultimately did… that they were probably tadpoles seeing as how it was a KID’S video and there was the faux-Kermy. BUT SPERM IS FUNNIER. SINGING SPERM. So work with me, okay?

Guess how happy I was after 1.5 hours of this video, singing children, and choruses of “me no look?” So happy. In fact, the only time I really wanted to be dragged out into an isolated field and have a shot gun held to the back of my head was when this creepy Santa puppet joined the singing sperms and they started in on the Christmas carols. In October. In Korean.

After the first photo-op (aurgh) we had lunch. Check out Flickr to see the sweet-ass lunch they provided. Good thing I could pinch food from the monkeys. There were also bees the size of bats everywhere. It was gross, and it was wrong. WRONG WRONG WRONG. And I couldn’t tell the kids to stop running around screaming because of the bees. Because I was running around screaming because of the bees.

After lunch we carved some pottery, and that part was pretty cool. Even the teachers got to make a vase, so it was all good. Mine kicked ass compared to the kid’s vases. Although I saw Richard Teacher’s vase and that guy made the best one. I should try to pinch it and send it to my moms. That would be cool.

After carving pottery, the kids got to go into the mud pits (again, see Flickr). FUN FUN FUN! There was screaming and mud and… no sarcasm… it was fun. I was nearly as muddy as they were, but it was such a great time and they were so happy. Then they all got into the KidWash and got hosed off. They asked us to roll up their pants, and I still don’t see why… they were grotesquely muddy everywhere. Frances Teacher’s student William was the first to strip. He was not the last, and there were muddy naked children everywhere. It was hilarious.

Once everyone was hosed off and changed into clean clothes we went into a pottery museum. This was hell on earth. I had to try and watch 18 hands and be sure they didn’t touch anything. We went so fast (so they couldn’t get bored and try to touch things) that they didn’t see anything. I felt bad for them. Sort of.

On the way home we had to watch the Faux-Kermy & the Singing Sperm show again. But there were fewer cries of “Teacher, me no look” because most of my monkeys (5/9) went to sleep. Joy! They are almost cute when they are sleeping. Still not ready to pack one up and bring it home though. I think they need to be fed and stuff.